Hmm....she is still going!

well, its now wednesday, Day 7....and AF is still going strong!

I really cannot believe how long she is going on for, its quite depressing!! I am now feeling quite sick, I dont have any desire to eat or even drink for that matter, which I know I should, but the thought of it makes me retch today!! x

Got Weight Watchers tonight, and within 24 hours I seem to have lost 2-2.5lb! This is worrying me slightly, as I shouldn't be losing it like that, I know it is becuase I haven't eaten, but I know that if dare eat anything it will only come back up moments later! x

Feeling quite low, not been out of the house in 3 days! Have got to go to the hospital tomorrow, first thing for blood tests and then back in the afternoon for internal ultrasound, so will make an appearance at work inbetween! I am so scared of leaking everywhere though...I imagine I will be going to the toilet every half hour or so! I am covered in spots to, got a big massive one of my face and few little ones, its horrible, I don't even want to put make up on etc when I go out, I just can't be bothered!

Hopefully, AF will calm down soon, surely she won't last for more than 10 days lol

Good luck with your journey

love
Emz xxx

AF isn't stopping!!

Well, I am now on day 6 of AF.....she is showing no signs of easing, infact she is getting worse! I am constantly leaking at the moment, and just can't keep up!! Still can't face going to work, the uncertainty of knowing I will come home having survived the day is all too much x

Rang the hospital earlier and explain to one of the nurses in the fertility dept what was happening, and just broke down in tears whilst talking to her, she was very nice and reassuring, tell me that this is normal and it will ease and it is a means to an end etc x Nice to know im not losing tooooo much blood!!

Keeping a diary of the amount of changes in a day too, I think this might help if it carries on I can then explain to the doctors just how much this is affecting my life at the moment x

I am a bit worried as I have got an internal ultrasound on thursday, which can be done when you are on, but the thought of this worries me, as I am bleeding so much, I know I will get so embarressed!!!

I am concerned that my periods will come back after this AF visit, normally I would think that it is a good thing, however, if they are like this for the rest of my life, I will just cry lol!!

Nevermind, it will all be worth it one day.......I so hope I have twins, get it all over in 1 hit, I don't think I coud go through all of this again! x

Good luck with your journey

Love

Emz xxxx

AF has arrived!

Well.....good morning!

AF arrived on Thursday night, first bleed for a very long time, not sure when she last came to visit if I am honest x
Friday morning, it had practically stopped, but by Saturday night it was extremly heavy, and now its just getting worse!

The cramps are unbearable, and I can hardly move. I have lost my appetite and generally feel very drained.

I am having to change my tampon every 30-60 mins and can hardly make it through the night without an accident, its really getting me down.
This morning, took it out after it being in all night, and sorry to be so gross but need to keep track of all this, it was dripping like a tap out of me! I wouldn't mind but they are super plus tampons too, not just regular! Also, its full of what look like blood clots, but is this just the lining I wonder?

Can't face going to work either, as I am in so much pain and the fear of leaking just makes me cringe and so would prefer to stay at home!

I just wish it would calm down!

good luck with your journey

Love

Emz xxx

Back to work!

Well, went back to work yesterday after 2 weeks off for easter hols, can't say I am enjoying being back too much haha!! probably because I am snacking so much, as I am bored, and thats depressing me! However, back to Weightwatchers tomorrow evening, and hoping to shift a couple of stone before going back to the fertility clinic in July!

Finish my provera tablets tomorrow, which is a relief, as I am dreading AF coming, as I hate it so much, probably because I am not used to it! However, I just want it over and done with I have to say! Can already feel twinges in my stomach, which are really beginning to hurt, like I say, really not looking forward to it, I think the anticipation and waiting is harder than actually dealing with AF.....but at least when she arrives I am off for a series of tests, so that will be good!

I have an awful gut feeling, that when I have my HSG, my tubes are going to be found t be blocked, I don't know why I feel this, but you know when you just think you know!! Only time will tell!

Hair on my stomach seems to have disappeared somewhat over the last couple of weeks, very odd! Not that I am complaining too much, as it is unsightly, and I despise it, but I know there are people worse off than me with their symptoms x A work colleague of mine has PCOS too, and she has to shave her face every morning, feel so sorry for her, as it must be horrendous! I do feel guilty moaning to her all the time, when her symptoms are worse than mine, and she's been told she might never be able to have kids, she suffers with it that bad!

On a more positive note, its a lovely day and I am off to see my new puppy tonight! I have always wanted a dog, and with my weight loss targets, I thought that if I got one now, walking the dog 2/3 times a day can only help in my weight loss!

Good luck with your journey, and enjoy the sunshine!!

Love

Emz xxx

Hmmm...BMI

Good afternoon x

I have no idea where to start to getting down to my goal BMI of 29! am really struggling as to how I am going to manage this!!!

It will take me years, and I just simply can't wait that long to have a baby. Also, I have a feeling once i get there, I am going to look ridiculous, and possibly not alive , you know what I mean, that grey look haha but if I want to continue with treatment, I will have to stay there. I totally understand where they are coming from, but I just don't know what to do to kick start everything. I am sticking to my Wii Fitness Coach, which helps me think I am doing something to halp myself x I just don't know what to do on the food side of things, as I am a very fussy eater, and am not a fan of fish, or salad haha and these are too main things I am sposed to be eating! God knows what I am going to do!

Just think I am going to have to take it all day at a time and see if my mood improves haha

Good luck with your journey

Love

Emz xxx

feeling calmer xx

Evening xx

I am feeling alot calmer than I was this morning x

I just keep sitting here wandering how exactly I am going to lose all this weight, and give myself the best possible chance x Matt lost over 7 stone in 18 months, I thought that ws fast, butI have got to lose a fair amount, and the ladies at the Royal Shrewsbury Hospital reckon it will take me about a year x A Year!!!! I don't know if I can wait a year before having a baby... I am so desperate for a baby it is untrue x

Just been reading on the verity forum, one lady has been told she has to get her BMI down to 30 before she will be considered to adopt, I think this is so awful x i don't see them telling prospective parents that until they stop smoking they can't adopt, not round here any way! Also, women who are classed as overweight, if they are lucky enough to be able to get pregnant without medical intervention, I don't see hospitals turning them away telling them they are too fat and they must have a terminiation!! There are so many women in this world who would/will/do make wonderful mothers, alot of them post on Verity, and to have ti denied by some stupid ruling is so harsh it's untrue x

The ladies on verity are soo good, I love them all so much, yet have never met anyone of it x They are always so so supportive and I really value their opinions and its great to know that if I don't know the answer, there will be a lady on verity who does x So thank you ladies for making this all a little bit easier x

Good luck with your journey

Love

Em xxx

PCOS...ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Good afternoon .....

Not long been up, on easter holidays, one of the great things about working in a school!! feel on a right downer again today x feel that everyone is getting BFP's or having their babaies. Went to see a good friend of mine on Tuesday, whose baby was born on 9th April, he is soooo gorgeous he really really is, had a good long cuddle with him, and really enjoyed it x I just wish it was finally my turn, and that finally I could get that feeling x

I keep thinking that it is just around the corner, but I know it won't be x nothing has happened in the last 18 months - 2 years, so why woud now be any different?! Having PCOs is so frustrating at times, I am sure when I have had children I will be thankful of no periods, providing they don't come back that is, but right now I wish I could have endured that pain every month for the last 10 years or so.......but I know there isn't much I can do about it. I have got to focus on losing weight at the moment......but I just don't know where to start.....feels like such a massive challenge, that I am not looking forward too.... I have done my 15 minute workout today already, which I felt good afterwards, but I can't help feeling that I am kidding myself, and I will never get to my target BMiIx

Feel better for getting everything out x

Good luck with your journey

Love

Emz xxx

Wii Fitness Coach

Well.....today I went out to tesco, just for some food shopping and found myself amongst the Wii games. When I get paid I thought to myself, I will buy a Wii Fit, as I have wanted one for ages.

Anyhoo, I was looking at the games and came across the "Wii Fitness Coach"....now, some ladies on the Verity board have said this game is great and can really help you work out and you can do it in your own living room. I have never been one for fitness videos/dvds, but there was something about this that made me think I just had to buy it...so I did

Got it home, and put it in, had to set up my profile. I had to put my weight in, measurements of my waist, thighs, biceps etc.....and then had to do 2 full minutes of jumping jacks and some squats and push ups etc

At first I wasn't sure, but then it got on to my workout. It was fantastic!! I really really enjoyed it.

I am going to start slow, and do about 15 mins a day, maybe 15 mins twice a day, just to get me used to excersising again, but I thought I would share this with you all, and also to keep a track as to when I started it etc

Once again, good luck with your journey

Love

Emz xxx

Appointment at the Hospital

Well....hello again x

I had my appointment with the counselor today(14/04/09), and it went better than I thought x

We discussed food and diets and what I can do to help myself x Also she explained to me about PCOS and what exactly goes wrong, that the message from the pituatry gland in your brain, gets confused in us PCOS ladies, and the message doesn't get across properly.

I have a new diet plan to follow, starting from tomorrow, am really going to throw myself into this, have got something to aim for, which is something so wonderful! x

Going back to see her in June x never thought seeing a counselor would be so good, I could ask as many questions as I wanted withouth feeling silly, I could say things to her that I could possibly never say to anyone else. Feeling very positive I have to say. Am even considering getting a dog, to help with the daily excercise plan......will be a nice way of getting some I think x

Now I am on countdown to 30/04/09 when I have got my internal scan.....should be fun! lots of proding and poking to see what, if anything, is going on.

For the time being though, I am sticking to my provera to induce a bleed, dreading that day, its been so long since it last happened, as dreading the pain...mind you I will soon know about it and I am sure it will become all to familiar once again haha!!

Any way, am off to bed now......its getting late

Good luck with your journey

lots of love

emz xxx

Feeling Down?

I was thinking last night about all things PCOS....as you do.....and realised that it really is a big problem for many women in so many different ways!

Some days, I feel so down about things, that I will never have a baby etc, but I know it IS possible and it WILL happen.....but sadly this doesn't take away the pain of wanting something sooooo much you can't wait another moment for it to happen, but then your body lets you down, fails you, and you have to continue to wait......grrrr!!!!!

Today is one of those days, where every spare second I have I keep thinking about all my friends, who have recently had babies, and how their lives are now so complete, and yet I have to wait. I do feel it is so unfair that this happens to so many women, and some women never have a BFP at the end of it all, which is so desperately sad!

I do try to think on the positive side, you know "one day it will be me having a baby" and "I'm still only young, got plenty of time yet"......and this keeps me going for a short while, but you soon slip back into feeling sorry for yourself.

Honestly, I keep thinking "Why do I have PCOS....Why me? What did ever do to deserve this?!"....but it's just one of those things.....I just wish there was a cure for it, not just a series of different treatments...but you can't really hve a cure for something, when you aren't 100% ure what even causes it haha!

PCOS is a condition, and me and the other 1000's of women who have it, it is a struggle to cope with at times, don't kid yourself into thinking it will be a doddle xxxx

anyway...

Enough from me

Good luck with your journey

Love Emz xxxx

Hospital today!

Got an appointment today with the counselor, to talk to her about my weight and diets etc

I am quite looking forward to it, as at least then I might come away with some more ideas to bring my weight down somewhat......

Will let you know how I get on......

Matt has also gone for his S/A today, bless him, he really doesn't enjoy it haha


Will update later.......

Good luck with your journey

Love

Emz xxx

appointment Wednesday 8th April 2009

Hello again

Well on Wednesday, I went to the hospital for an appointment with the fertility nurses, both me and my boyfriend, Matt had to attend.

We were asked a series of questions, from previous relationships, to how many operations had we have.
During the appointment, I ws given Provera, to induce a bleed, as PCOS has ruined my cycle, so much so I don't actually have a cycle anymore! Once the bleeding commences (haha) I will be off to the hospital for some blood tests to see if I am ovulating and then will have a HSG (Hysterosalpingogram) to check if my fallopian tubes are ok and not blocked etc.

Following the appointment, I am now booked up to see a dietician, a counselor to help me with my weight, and advice on diets x Also, I have got to go for an internal scan at the end of this month.

All in all, after this appointment I have come away feeling very positive about everything, and really now believe my BFP(big fat positive, pregnancy) won't be too far away.

I know this may sound a little daunting, especially if you are reading this and you are new to PCOS, but believe me, you will get used to it, and there isn't much to be worried about :) The doctors and nurses dealing with this, see it every day, and so therefore you should feel relaxed about it all xx

Good luck with your journey

Love

Emma xxxx

Back to the Start!!

Well.......Hello.....let me introduce myself. I am Emma Hayes, I am 22 years old and from Shropshire UK.

I live in a quiet little villiage with my boyfriend and our 4 cats, Felix, Garfield, Bob and Daisy as well as our 2 gerbils, Chaz and Dave.

Back in 2006, I was diagnosed with Polycystic Ovary Syndrome. (What's that?!! you say!) well no one really knows what causes it, but it is thought to be a hormonal imbalance which affects your monthly cycles and can affect your fertility, as well as many other things. see http://www.verity-pcos.org.uk/ for more info x

I thought that I would creat a blog, mainly to remind me of the goings on, with visits too and from the hospital etc etc, but also, to maybe help other ladies with this condition, who have, perhaps, only just been diagnosed and not 100% what it is all about. xx

So, keep looking to see if my progress, and counting down with me until I can get my Big Fat Positive pregnancy!

Good luck with your journey too xxxx

Love

emz xxx