Wednesday, 23 September 2009


Well...AF is visiting....not sure how long she is going to last for x

AF is natural this time, last time it was induced, using provera, so hopefully this is a good sign!! Maybe its a small sign that my body may be getting back to normal on its own!

bloody agony though...don't know how people cope with this every month!

Oh well.....roll on AF leaving, hopefully after a full bleed too x

Weightwatchers weigh in hoping I have done well, hoping for at least 3lb this week, if not more, but not holding out much hope, although I have been good this week and have stuck to plan!


Tuesday, 22 September 2009


It's been a while! nearly 4 months infact x

I had my appointment with the consultant back in July, he had all our test results, and it went ok. I have to lose some weight, stop smoking completely etc etc

I have been away for a while, I think the whole thing knocked me for 6 back then, as I knew how difficult we are finding it to conceive, and then my partners sister has recently had a baby, so had to cope with all the baby talk off his parents and his sister. She gave birth to a beautiful little girl on September 9th and I still haven't been to see her....can't face it. Matt kind of understands, but thinks I need to get over it, which I do, but finding that hard. Am finding myself buying baby things for her, wishing it was for me.....but I guess that is part and parcel of the whole journey to motherhood x

Well, I started weightwacthers again last week, got my first weigh in tomorrow night, so hopefully things should all go to plan and I should have lost some weight lol

Went into complete shutdown the last few months, and ended up putting another half a stone on! which is not a good thing!

However, back on it now, and back on the verity forum.....not been on in a while, think having a complete break from everything has done me the world of good x

But backj now and needing the great support off all the girls on there...they are a massive support and I can't thank them enough. Although they might not realise it, but they are so key in the whole journey, as they are there with you every step of the way x so thank you once again girls for everything xxxxxxxxxxx

Thursday, 21 May 2009

Woah...its been a long time!

Well today is 21st May 2009, havent posted on here for nearly a month!!

Well in the last month or so, AF finally left on day 11.....was so pleased when she stopped, as was in so much pain all the time, it was just getting silly.

Also, went for my HSG on 18th May. Found this very uncomfortable, really hurt and really didnt enjoy it haha! The procedure itself wasn't as bad as I thought it would be, but it just was very uncomfortable and there was no way I could "relax" that much like the doctor wanted me to! At least now that it is all over and I was told it was all normal and there were no blockages at all, which is a relief, as thats one less thing for me to worry about haha!!

hope you are all well and hopefully someone of you will be popping up with BFP's soon....maybe even me haha!!

Good luck with everything

Emz xxxx

Wednesday, 29 April 2009

Hmm....she is still going!

well, its now wednesday, Day 7....and AF is still going strong!

I really cannot believe how long she is going on for, its quite depressing!! I am now feeling quite sick, I dont have any desire to eat or even drink for that matter, which I know I should, but the thought of it makes me retch today!! x

Got Weight Watchers tonight, and within 24 hours I seem to have lost 2-2.5lb! This is worrying me slightly, as I shouldn't be losing it like that, I know it is becuase I haven't eaten, but I know that if dare eat anything it will only come back up moments later! x

Feeling quite low, not been out of the house in 3 days! Have got to go to the hospital tomorrow, first thing for blood tests and then back in the afternoon for internal ultrasound, so will make an appearance at work inbetween! I am so scared of leaking everywhere though...I imagine I will be going to the toilet every half hour or so! I am covered in spots to, got a big massive one of my face and few little ones, its horrible, I don't even want to put make up on etc when I go out, I just can't be bothered!

Hopefully, AF will calm down soon, surely she won't last for more than 10 days lol

Good luck with your journey

Emz xxx

Tuesday, 28 April 2009

AF isn't stopping!!

Well, I am now on day 6 of AF.....she is showing no signs of easing, infact she is getting worse! I am constantly leaking at the moment, and just can't keep up!! Still can't face going to work, the uncertainty of knowing I will come home having survived the day is all too much x

Rang the hospital earlier and explain to one of the nurses in the fertility dept what was happening, and just broke down in tears whilst talking to her, she was very nice and reassuring, tell me that this is normal and it will ease and it is a means to an end etc x Nice to know im not losing tooooo much blood!!

Keeping a diary of the amount of changes in a day too, I think this might help if it carries on I can then explain to the doctors just how much this is affecting my life at the moment x

I am a bit worried as I have got an internal ultrasound on thursday, which can be done when you are on, but the thought of this worries me, as I am bleeding so much, I know I will get so embarressed!!!

I am concerned that my periods will come back after this AF visit, normally I would think that it is a good thing, however, if they are like this for the rest of my life, I will just cry lol!!

Nevermind, it will all be worth it one day.......I so hope I have twins, get it all over in 1 hit, I don't think I coud go through all of this again! x

Good luck with your journey


Emz xxxx

Monday, 27 April 2009

AF has arrived!

Well.....good morning!

AF arrived on Thursday night, first bleed for a very long time, not sure when she last came to visit if I am honest x
Friday morning, it had practically stopped, but by Saturday night it was extremly heavy, and now its just getting worse!

The cramps are unbearable, and I can hardly move. I have lost my appetite and generally feel very drained.

I am having to change my tampon every 30-60 mins and can hardly make it through the night without an accident, its really getting me down.
This morning, took it out after it being in all night, and sorry to be so gross but need to keep track of all this, it was dripping like a tap out of me! I wouldn't mind but they are super plus tampons too, not just regular! Also, its full of what look like blood clots, but is this just the lining I wonder?

Can't face going to work either, as I am in so much pain and the fear of leaking just makes me cringe and so would prefer to stay at home!

I just wish it would calm down!

good luck with your journey


Emz xxx

Tuesday, 21 April 2009

Back to work!

Well, went back to work yesterday after 2 weeks off for easter hols, can't say I am enjoying being back too much haha!! probably because I am snacking so much, as I am bored, and thats depressing me! However, back to Weightwatchers tomorrow evening, and hoping to shift a couple of stone before going back to the fertility clinic in July!

Finish my provera tablets tomorrow, which is a relief, as I am dreading AF coming, as I hate it so much, probably because I am not used to it! However, I just want it over and done with I have to say! Can already feel twinges in my stomach, which are really beginning to hurt, like I say, really not looking forward to it, I think the anticipation and waiting is harder than actually dealing with AF.....but at least when she arrives I am off for a series of tests, so that will be good!

I have an awful gut feeling, that when I have my HSG, my tubes are going to be found t be blocked, I don't know why I feel this, but you know when you just think you know!! Only time will tell!

Hair on my stomach seems to have disappeared somewhat over the last couple of weeks, very odd! Not that I am complaining too much, as it is unsightly, and I despise it, but I know there are people worse off than me with their symptoms x A work colleague of mine has PCOS too, and she has to shave her face every morning, feel so sorry for her, as it must be horrendous! I do feel guilty moaning to her all the time, when her symptoms are worse than mine, and she's been told she might never be able to have kids, she suffers with it that bad!

On a more positive note, its a lovely day and I am off to see my new puppy tonight! I have always wanted a dog, and with my weight loss targets, I thought that if I got one now, walking the dog 2/3 times a day can only help in my weight loss!

Good luck with your journey, and enjoy the sunshine!!


Emz xxx